you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
