she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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