it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
