he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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