She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I enjoy the company of your penis
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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