So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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