Don't make out with my wife yet
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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