God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
