Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
