I could have mohawked her pubes.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize