He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
