Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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