I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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