his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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