That's intense
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
