I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
