I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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