FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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