she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
