If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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