ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
