Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
