Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
