I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
