can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She needs sedatives and a leash
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
