Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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