woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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