I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
