dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Acid is not a monday night drug
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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