You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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