At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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