Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize