as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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