you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
