I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
