Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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