It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
