my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
