I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
