so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
