On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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