This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
