For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Holy shit dude........stairs
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize