I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
