obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
