I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
