Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize