My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
