And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
