Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I need to stop coming to work sober
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
