I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
