We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
