A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Houston, we have a squirter
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
