Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
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