You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
either way he was missing a nipple.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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