I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
