...so i touched it.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
