drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize