p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
