I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
