i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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