i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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