Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
