It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
