yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
