Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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