I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
