I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
