what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
