the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
