Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
