rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
