Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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