I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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