Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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