I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
