I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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