I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
