I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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