I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
