So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize