do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize