I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
