yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
