lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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