I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
